For What it's Worth

I know I've been off for a bit-- sick, having a miserable time of things in general. But now that I'm more or less here, I guess I should address that... lovely blog post. My human and I were both... well, more than a little shocked, because we thought the entire barrel thing was all in good fun. But to the matter...

I'm "confident." That is definitely news to me. I thought you of all vamps knew that I always worrying over something, or stressed over something or other. Am forever saying the wrong thing, walking on bloody egg shells... Remember my utter panic over the whole threat thing? Yeah, I'm the ultimate in self-assurance...

Words taken out of context always sound that much worse. Sure, I could copy and paste sound bites from conversations too. Goodness knows we have both had our days when we talked trash or said things we never would have to anyone else. However, I refuse to stoop to that. I do not always agree with you but I do respect you, and have no need to make you look or feel bad. And I certainly would not quote anything negative from a private conversation without your permission. I care too much for your feelings.

You, Oneirus, do not seem to either have the best memory. Just the week before all of this you complained about my anti-barrel comments. I, in all earnestness and *concern* for your feelings, asked if you wanted me to stop. You said NO, that it was entertaining. (I can pull a quote if you'd like.) Amazing how things change to suit your current whim. Then I tried to actually understand what the deal was, but...

I honestly am not sure when things went so wrong with the entire barrel thing. No, I was not trying to pick a fight. Why would I pick a fight with my companion, the one vamp I thought I could talk to about anything? Was just attempting to keep the whole thing going-- joking-- as per your request... and next thing I know you get downright insulting and offensive. Ouch. Hurt... a lot.

As far as my true feeling on the whole barrel thing goes, I'm glad you have so much fun with it. Started to think it might be nice to be on that side of things, and honestly tried... But somehow my questions were misunderstood, and you pretty much made it clear I'm not welcome. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. (Would hate to be accused of "barrel-envy" again.) I just wish you had chosen a more personal and... less harsh way to say it. No matter how "confident" you may think I am, well... I'm afraid I can be a little hyper-sensitive too. I am not and have never been out to make enemies or cause problems-- and if I had honestly known you were so bothered by it, I never would have opened my big mouth about it again. That's why I asked you.

Well, don't know what else to say. What else is there? I'm not even really sure an apology is called for after that... but for the record, I am sorry things have gone this way. It was never my intention to upset you or anybody else who may be involved in whatever way-- and certainly not to start this.