Dark Mood, Dark Thoughts

An update on things before I go into my spiel for the day... Still in the agonizing throes of Celerity 2 and Cel = hell. I spent the night smack in the middle of at least twelve humans. Doing my longest stretch yet, 122 moves. So much for the "each bar is closer" theory. Getting there slowly, determined to finish as quickly as possible. We have a new trainee who I hope will join in the hunt, but if not's that cool. We're having a great time... though we keep losing somebody. Doesn't really fit with the seriousness of the storyline, but things will work themselves out, no matter how Oneirus may fret. ;) What else? Yesterday's blog. Hm, rather speaks for itself I say. The winds of change and all that... Ah yes, I've been a bit more sociable lately. Held actual conversations with a couple of my clansmen recently. Even posted to the new board today. Oh, also took time to track down my sire...

Not in the best of moods today. Preparation for battle against humans is not the same as actual battle. I grow weary of waiting, though I know it is the best course. We will move soon, but for now... I hunger for their blood, the satisfaction gleaned from their well-deserved deaths. I hunger for the scent of their fear, the surge of bliss as my fangs pierce mortal flesh. I hunger for the rush, the sensation that drives me to the brink of insanity, until I can hardly stand to even exist, the sheer joy overwhelms me so.

Damn this wait.

At this point I wish I could just rebel against the system and do something insane, but O. would probably kill me. Heaven forbid I interrupt the flow of the precious RP. *sigh* Not to mention that it would be horribly out of line for... me. Creide-- ever polite, ever thoughtful. Creide-- who abides by the rules and plays fairer than some. Creide-- who is kinder, gentler than most.

Is that truly who I am, one who is eternally patient and warm, or is it but a mask, hiding my inner demons? Who am I at all? Do my brothers and sisters know? Does my own companion even know? I make no attempts to hide myself. The pages of this journal are filled with my thoughts, my presence, my very essence. Yet I fear even the one closest to me does not truly understand me. I believe he finds me... simple, in a way. Simply nice. Even... maternal in my care of the trainees. Ah, I must confess this last part to be true enough. I do not think I have ever bared fangs at a single one, but that will change as there is more to me. Perhaps I should heed his words and work on my image a little. *lol*

The two of us had an interesting talk last night. We basically agreed to disagree, particularly in regards to the best way to deal with things. Pointless really. He'll always use harsh, caustic tones and I will always speak softly or at least politely, even when we want to say the same thing. It seems only right that the one thing that probably makes us such a good match should also drive us to occasional volatile moments. I could almost call it healthy... for us. I think both of us would agree that were our companionship perpetually sugary-sweet it would be... well, boring. No way would that last.

Differences of expression can be rather amusing. He is like the passionate, wildly outspoken rebel demanding his turn and calling for justice, while I am essentially a born diplomat, calmly observing and responding with courtly mien. Yet truth be told I am as strongly opinionated as Oneirus himself. I simply play my cards close to the vest. So close at times that even he doubts the very existence of my ferocity. Nothing I say can change that it seems, but... pshaw. No matter. ;)

It must be said that simply because I do not wear my darker emotions on my sleeve, it should never be assumed they do not exist. Indeed, one should remember that such suppression oft precludes a particularly powerful expression. While Oneirus is quick to ignite in a flurry of words and furious action, I am more apt to let my anger burn, slowly stoking and tending it. Only when it is time does anger erupt in rage.

There exists in this city a vampire I harbor such anger for. To cross the line that need never be crossed is to invite death. Death I hope to deliver personally. I have not spoken of it before nor will I speak of it again. All else that can be said is that I am far too weak now, but one day I will be strong enough. That day I will seek to settle this vendetta, stepping outside the walls of my clan to issue a challenge. I may die, but before I do my foe shall feel the burning fire of justice and wrath at my hands. For now I must pass them in the city streets and long for... crave their blood. Alas that today it is not that day.