Problems and Plans

The auction is long past yet I still have not served my time. This bothers me. First and foremost, I believe in fulfilling contracts. Indeed, I have not even spent my half of the purchase price, because to do so before completing my week of slavery would be dishonorable. Yet I do not know when my week will happen now, or even if it will at all. The whole matter has become far more complicated than it should and I am feeling rather trapped. I tried to resolve matters, and am still willing to do so, even if it should mean returning the coins. Too much to explain, though I will say that I have been treated with kindness, if not understanding. Either way, until some solution is reached-- or my mistress, What The, finds someone willing to buy me from her-- I am bound by an agreement I cannot fulfill. :( More stress than I need at the moment, but I will come to that shortly.

Things on the home front are quiet, nothing new. There is a small but very determined factor RPing wildly across a couple of the boards, which is good to see. My name popped up in a few of these posts but I have been too busy to jump in. Nice to be included though, and they are a good group. Am getting back into the swing of things with the trainees, have some new ideas coming into play there soon. Also working up some things for my mentee, RH. Poor thing is chomping at the bit waiting for me to give him an assignment. Must say it is an awesome thing to be matched with one whose bloodlust for battle just might equal my own. All the more reason to put true effort into this and hopefully make it fun for him. What else... ah yeah, touched base with a vamp from the past today. Interesting hearing what he is up to, still a fun sort of guy. Another recruitment offer there, which always makes me smile. Nice to know that if I ever throw down my red and black I have a few places that would take me in. *snickers and hides from Pand*

On to more personal issues and the source of my concerns. I know CBK has made mention of our plans... so I might as well say that I finally heard from Audric. He sent far more information than expected, far darker news than we ever imagined. It has never been my way to fear for myself. Life, unlife, and death are simply a part of the continuum. My practice of the dark arts has done nothing but reinforce that feeling; even the most limited use of my skills may exact a high price. Yet this alone is not a true concern for me. In combination with what the necessary ritual calls for though... well, even the final act alone could prove deadly. After CBK expressed his feelings and concerns regarding my views and my safety but left the final decision in my hands... I was left with no choice but to consider all carefully.

Not a hard choice. This is something we both want and I believe that our combined happiness is well worth the hazards. So I have done everything I possibly can to ensure my survival. Already my servants are gathering the essential items. Snow white silk and linen, sterling silver bowl, human bone-handled knife-- these are but a few of the things that must be in place. Each night I practice the incantations, though I cannot speak them aloud until it is time. All that remains is to schedule the ceremony and see that those taking part play their roles accordingly. Then I must make one final visit with the priest whose services I have retained and... then it is just an issue of keeping my nerve, pushing myself to complete the ceremony no matter what.

Simple, right? Yeah, but there is far more to it. Absolutely everything must be letter perfect. A single misstep, one word of the incantations mispronounced... and death becomes a true possibility. When I translated the text of the ritual, I got the feeling that the word "death" meant exactly that, and not "torpor." I cannot be sure, of course-- but I prefer not to find out. Oh yes, and ironically enough, relaxation could well be key to the success of the entire thing. How I will manage to calm my nerves in time I do not know.

After all, even if all should go well... Should I survive this, then I will have other concerns. The months that follow will not be easy, even for CBK, if all that my former guardian says it true. Nor will it be a simple thing to deal with Audric now that we have reestablished ties in a sense. He knows far more of my dealings than I ever expected, which leads me to wonder just how. Yet there are still more things he does not know, and I have every intention of keeping it that way.