OOC, Part II

OK, picking up more or less where I left off with the previous post...

I fail to see any real reason for a lot of what goes on, but at this point it doesn't matter. I'm bored with it all. I'm tired of seeing the same people posting the same things over and over. I'm tired of watching what few original ideas do pop up get swept under the rug or downplayed because they might disrupt things, or require actual creativity. Or, heaven forbid, steal the spotlight.

Most of all I'm tired of the pettiness and the RL-OOC clashes. Too often things happen or fail to happen because of grudges, likes or dislikes. Don't like me or my character. Fine. I promise I won't cry, and neither will Creide. Yes, I had my reasons for sticking it out so long. Certainly not to take advantage of any great benefits.

Creide has given far more money to the clan than was required of her. While we were at war, she gave all she could afford to give because she took her job as a Shield-Thane seriously. In return, she has been ignored, overlooked, and discounted. She has not really asked for anything from anyone, but it is next to impossible for her to find so much as a decent conversation or reply post. What good reason does she have for even thinking about staying in Heorot?

If you are thinking protection and advancement, allow me to acquaint you with the facts. The one and only time Creide came under attack, it was something that should never have happened. Yes, she broke a blood contract and by rights her life was forfeit, but the decision had been made to overlook it. That is, until things were said that should not have been. Creide was used then and very much aware of it. However, it was not the time to make a move. She had reasons for staying. Among them, she wanted to know where things would eventually go. Now she knows-- nowhere.

Right now Heorot is offering her nothing. It is slowly bleeding her dry. Nobody truly cares, with the exception of the same steadfast handful. She steals, she gives, she gains powers, life goes on. She sits in the TG for no reason other than to keep her companion and the few vamps that actually talk to her company. Something is very wrong when a member of the main clan feels more welcome and at home among the trainees and considers that her home moreso than the main board.

The one other task she has actually been asked to do is... well, less than essential. It serves some small purpose, but in a way it makes little sense. Regardless, she throws herself into it completely. Surprisingly, that alone has yielded more pleasurable results than reading endless hit posts and silly chatter about nothing at all. I have often wondered why there was not a separate place for hits and attack information. Common sense and experience should have shown that a storyline RP will NOT flourish in such a place.

When Oneirus and Creide stepped outside the clan to create Tales of the Vampire-RP I was told that adding yet another board to the slew of Heorot-owned and Heorot-used boards would divide us. I was also told that it might take up too much our time, and that the clan might lose us because of it. The obvious benefits of the group were completely overlooked for these reasons. There are no long lists of rules about insulting other characters and players, because there is no OOC. No worrying about saying the wrong thing or stepping on somebody toes because there is no conversation at all, just stories. Yet most people don't even know it exists. Is there truly any valid reason for that?

My time is my own. I currently own and manage five other groups, including an extremely active one with almost three times as many members as the clan board has. Not to mention the dozens more I'm a member of. Offline I work, commute an hour each way, do grad school, spend time with friends and family, have several other hobbies and... well, a life. Yet, if you take a look at the Shield-Thane and TG boards, it's obvious that I can spare more than enough time for clan. So no, that's not reason enough for Creide to just wander off. She loves this clan, she truly does. It was where she met her companion, where she learned that achieving powers was not impossible, where she made a few friends in a city full of strangers.

What is enough reason is simply that this is not as much fun as it was at first. It was a lot more fun when Creide was a trainee than now that she is a full-fledged member. I did not expect to tire of it so quickly, but then I suppose I expected too much in the first place. I sought a special niche, a place where Creide would be acknowledged and fit in. To me, a clan should offer camaraderie. Yet I would not even know some of the other members if I passed them in the city. Perhaps Heorot is just too big. Or perhaps there are just too vamps that don't care, that just go through the motions.

Creide doesn't want to become like that. I don't want her to be that way. There is life in her. It may not be as wild as that in her companion, or as scripted, or warm, or even noble as some others. Yet there is something there, too much to be silenced and ignored.

So now I stand at a crossroad. I have said this much privately before, but now I say it publicly. Within the next few days I will make my decision whether or not to continue with the clan or go it alone. If I pull her from the clan, she will still be in the game, just as I will still be sitting here behind her. She will still look on the House of Heorot with fond memories and wish them the best. If I decide to stay, I only hope it will not be a decision I later regret.