Happy, Sad, In Between
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Happy news! Have a new reason to celebrate-- a worthy addition to my line. Finally made my adoption of Bug... er, Cricket, official. Yeah, having a proud sire moment here. *strutting CBK-style* She is a real sweetheart and since she wants to map out our family... well, I will simply wish her luck there. *snicker* At least she is not adding to the confusion and tangled web of branches on the old tree-- her companion Disa is not related to us. Ah, how well I remember when both were trainees under my whip-- er, wing...
Moving along to the sad bit... last night CBK and I met with the priest. Things... did not go well. Really. So... for right now things have been postponed. Not that we are giving up, just trying to find a better, safer way of doing things. Thought about contacting Audric again, but I doubt he knows more than he has told me or that he would feel moved to offer more help anyway. Which leaves me with no idea where else to find information. Or close enough. Not going to even try to explain that.
Ironically, I find myself wondering why nothing in unlife can ever be simple and straightforward-- love, politics, even simple hunting has led to complexities. Sort of on that topic, before I get back to my original track there... I spoke with What The tonight. The whole auction thing... well, I am really glad that it worked out so well for most of those involved and that the overall experience was fun. For me though, this whole situation is just impossible. The whole thing has been too pointless and stressful-- it killed the fun for me. I... hate being caught in the middle of a personal battle, hate having to choose my words so carefully, hate conflict without reason. Yeah, ultimate devotee of Ares, lover of war and bloodlust, but in truth I am more like Athena, seeking reason and wisdom before bloodshed and angry words. I doubt I could honestly say I even harbor ill will toward more than one or two vamps on a personal level, simply is not in my nature. Even if I do not make friends with all those I meet, neither do I seek to make enemies.
I guess that is one reason I have avoided the public boards for so long. It disgusts me to know there are so many who take up personal vendettas over absolutely nothing. Simply seeing a clan name in a signature line seems to be enough for some to make snap judgements. Incredibly ignorant, something I would expect from humans, but my own kind? Pathetic. In my view clan is like extended family. Sure, I have a connection with them and am a part of them... but some of us are as different as night and day. We do not always agree or see eye to eye, believe me. Each of us has a seperate opinion and I have no desire to be lumped under one heading nor do I wish for my individual actions or words to be viewed as those of the whole.
Now that I have completely and totally strayed from my original focus, bear with me while I jump back to it, touching on the final item in my title.
In between is really too vague a term. More of an emotionless, blank sort of space than anything. So much is happening in certain areas of my little world that at times I feel... almost removed from everything else. The broad categories of things that once bothered or worried me have become so many minutiae, while more narrow, personal concerns claim the majority of my attention. This introspection is beneficial, I think. Yet rather bothersome too. I find myself a bit more... unfocused in some areas, having to put forth actual effort to stay on top of things and spend more time than ever on my duties. Maybe that is a good thing in itself; Ares knows I could use something to take my mind off my worries...
Problems and Plans
Saturday, December 24, 2005
The auction is long past yet I still have not served my time. This bothers me. First and foremost, I believe in fulfilling contracts. Indeed, I have not even spent my half of the purchase price, because to do so before completing my week of slavery would be dishonorable. Yet I do not know when my week will happen now, or even if it will at all. The whole matter has become far more complicated than it should and I am feeling rather trapped. I tried to resolve matters, and am still willing to do so, even if it should mean returning the coins. Too much to explain, though I will say that I have been treated with kindness, if not understanding. Either way, until some solution is reached-- or my mistress, What The, finds someone willing to buy me from her-- I am bound by an agreement I cannot fulfill. :( More stress than I need at the moment, but I will come to that shortly.
Things on the home front are quiet, nothing new. There is a small but very determined factor RPing wildly across a couple of the boards, which is good to see. My name popped up in a few of these posts but I have been too busy to jump in. Nice to be included though, and they are a good group. Am getting back into the swing of things with the trainees, have some new ideas coming into play there soon. Also working up some things for my mentee, RH. Poor thing is chomping at the bit waiting for me to give him an assignment. Must say it is an awesome thing to be matched with one whose bloodlust for battle just might equal my own. All the more reason to put true effort into this and hopefully make it fun for him. What else... ah yeah, touched base with a vamp from the past today. Interesting hearing what he is up to, still a fun sort of guy. Another recruitment offer there, which always makes me smile. Nice to know that if I ever throw down my red and black I have a few places that would take me in. *snickers and hides from Pand*
On to more personal issues and the source of my concerns. I know CBK has made mention of our plans... so I might as well say that I finally heard from Audric. He sent far more information than expected, far darker news than we ever imagined. It has never been my way to fear for myself. Life, unlife, and death are simply a part of the continuum. My practice of the dark arts has done nothing but reinforce that feeling; even the most limited use of my skills may exact a high price. Yet this alone is not a true concern for me. In combination with what the necessary ritual calls for though... well, even the final act alone could prove deadly. After CBK expressed his feelings and concerns regarding my views and my safety but left the final decision in my hands... I was left with no choice but to consider all carefully.
Not a hard choice. This is something we both want and I believe that our combined happiness is well worth the hazards. So I have done everything I possibly can to ensure my survival. Already my servants are gathering the essential items. Snow white silk and linen, sterling silver bowl, human bone-handled knife-- these are but a few of the things that must be in place. Each night I practice the incantations, though I cannot speak them aloud until it is time. All that remains is to schedule the ceremony and see that those taking part play their roles accordingly. Then I must make one final visit with the priest whose services I have retained and... then it is just an issue of keeping my nerve, pushing myself to complete the ceremony no matter what.
Simple, right? Yeah, but there is far more to it. Absolutely everything must be letter perfect. A single misstep, one word of the incantations mispronounced... and death becomes a true possibility. When I translated the text of the ritual, I got the feeling that the word "death" meant exactly that, and not "torpor." I cannot be sure, of course-- but I prefer not to find out. Oh yes, and ironically enough, relaxation could well be key to the success of the entire thing. How I will manage to calm my nerves in time I do not know.
After all, even if all should go well... Should I survive this, then I will have other concerns. The months that follow will not be easy, even for CBK, if all that my former guardian says it true. Nor will it be a simple thing to deal with Audric now that we have reestablished ties in a sense. He knows far more of my dealings than I ever expected, which leads me to wonder just how. Yet there are still more things he does not know, and I have every intention of keeping it that way.
Just Some OOC Yappity-Yapping
Friday, December 16, 2005
Yeah, it's that time again. Will start by saying that should my vamp be... ah, unkind or unpleasant to anyone in the near future-- it is all her. She has a lot going on right now and I sort of feel for anybody that rubs her the wrong way, but such is unlife. This human, on the other hand, is feeling pretty damn good. I mean, really and truly. Scaring myself I'm so high of late. Now that classes are finally over and done with I can relax a bit. Which means I have way too much free time on my hands.
So, I'm having fun with it... which means pounding out C stories. :D Have a list of her traits and issues to pull in, missing time periods to explain away, things of that nature. Doing a fair bit with Audric lately, but have been neglecting two of my other NPC's. Not to mention three more I have yet to unveil. Bit excited about a couple of connections and things I have in mind. Oh yes, am thrilled to say I have found a RL friend that actually wants to read over my work, came out and requested it like a year after reading my first pile of junk. *lol* Which is cool since most of my friends love my other stuff but are... er, sqeamish (read: wusses) and I wanted a non-vamp view of things to verifty that I am lending a certain level of realism to my efforts.
Amazing how hard that can be at times but I feel it would be selling myself and my character short if I made things too easy, magicking my way through the hard parts and all. Like my favorite RPers in the game, it disgusts me to watch people pull magic swords out of their asses or thin air. So when I decided to actually use magic in the new aspect I am adding to my little world, it was very important for me to provide firm, logical backing for it. So I wrote up a... well, almost a documentary of sorts, from C's perspective. Began with this idea of mine from some time back called the Distillation of Blood Theory, then explained her personal vampire theories with tidbits from legend and the game tradition to fill it out and make it usable. Received the ultimate compliment from one reader. *blush* So perhaps I will actually post it here one day. After much spit and polish, as they say.
Not really looking to get into the big, major sort of RP thing that I usually do any time in the near future. Just don't feel like it, getting my hopes up and working like a dog only to have things crash again. (Though I know WT wants C to RP their week together and that is perfectly fine.) Rather sick of the boards in general, which is why C has been quiet of late. Truth be told, her world revolves around about three things-- and boards are not one of them. Most of the interesting things happen in yim anyway, so... yeah. Really do not mind doing a one-on-one thing, of course. Different working with a partner to make things happen, develop shared ideas.
Ah yes, before I shut up must issue a word of warning to Nikola and Paula-- put in some major thought on the project last night. In fact, the answer came to me in a dream. Literally. (It happens, just ask Jonathan.) So be prepared 'cause I am just about ready to unleash one of the most pointlessly complex bits of work I have done in a while. All kind of over the top and melodramatic but I was given free reign an- and... my muse made me do it, yeah. Will try to keep it short though. Honest...
Anxiously Awaiting Word...
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
There are many vampires in this city, some with rather interesting stories to tell. Others are less interesting, simply wandering aimlessly with little more than a name and no recollection of the past. At times I wish I were one of those.
The past couple of days have been a little stressful for me. It is not a city matter or even a clan one, but something far more personal that troubles my thoughts. Pride, I have been told, is one of my greatest downfalls... and I have had to swallow some of it and seek help from an unlikely source. It is a difficult task to explain without divulging too much information. So for those not familiar with my pre-city unlife I will say simply that almost from the time I became a vampire I lived under the guardianship of a rather... unusual vampire named Audric. He taught me most of what I know about fighting and weaponry, as well as many of the more aesthetic parts of my new species. I loved him as a father which is why we lost contact following his decision to abandon me, essentially dumping me off on the edge of the city as a human might dump unwanted kittens.
I have never been one to stay where unwanted, or force myself or my company on someone-- to date he has made no effort to renew contact, so I have kept my distance and my silence. Until recently, at least. Then I realized that some things matter far more than my pride. So I penned a missive, making no attempt to curry his favor or project tender thoughts. It began simply enough, then moved into the issue at hand as you will see in this excerpt.
Monsieur Audric,
It has been almost three years since last we spoke, yet at times I feel almost as if you are still near. Yet you have not contacted me, as I once hoped you would. For a time I foolishly imagined that you would come and rescue me from the hell to which you sentenced me. Even now I wonder if your final words to me were true, or if they were simply said to absolve you of the guilt of your betrayal, ease the moment of parting. Either way, I am not writing to fill this page or your thoughts with warmth and sweet remembrances. As has always been our way, or at least my way with you, I will be concise and move straight to the heart and marrow of the matter. There is information I have need of and I know that you possess it.
Not the most polite way to open a letter or ask for help, but then being a true lady means possessing a talent for conveying everything from disdain to sheer hatred using the most delicate or mellifluous words. He can hardly fault me for taking his own lessons to heart. Audric will grasp the full meaning of my words, I know. Yet I little think they will weigh in his decision. Audric will answer me or not, dependent on his whim or perhaps whatever feeling he still harbors for me. So now all I can do is await his answer-- if one does indeed come-- and hope for the best as he may be the only vampire able to help me.
Little Things
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I have been meaning to do this for a while, but my poor human has been buried under an avalanche of final papers and projects. Many of my posts have been grumbling and complaining about various things, so I hardly need tell you that I am not blind to the problems of the city. I know recent events have been less than pleasant for many, and it pains me in particular to see CBK lose so many he has ties to. Sadly, I have grown somewhat used to the lulls, the inactivity in some places... which is perhaps why I am so determined to move beyond them.
I have chosen to find solace in the quiet times, use them for reflection and struggle to put down the story of my unlife, the journey through the darker places I have long since tried to forget. Right now-- today, tomorrow, and until my next mood swing-- I will look toward the stars and focus on the happier things. :) So often I talk to vamps that are lonely, drifting through the city alone and lost. I was there once. I know how it is to wonder if you will ever connect with anyone or find your place and it is something I have not forgotten. It makes me appreciate my various relationships, perhaps more than I would otherwise.
First and foremost I have my beloved CBK, who keeps me in a constant state of amazement. No matter how bad things get elsewhere, I know that I can always count on him to make me feel better-- or at least to make me blush. I only hope that I can do the same for him. (Including the blushing part-- I just about die when he blushes...) Oh, and each time I think I know what to expect or how wonderful he is-- he does something completely unexpected and reminds me all over again why I love him so much. Or perhaps what amazes me more than anything is knowing just how much my husband truly loves me, the little... and not so little... things he does. Recently he asked me something... well, that meant a great deal to me. I am so excited that I could probably go on about it for ages, but nope! Too soon to talk about that!
Oneirus is another vamp I treasure, for a number of reasons. At times he has been my companion, mentor, partner in crime, greatest headache... ;) Any time I feel like getting in trouble or wreaking some havoc I know who to call. Our adventures have taken us to Hell and back, into battle with forces of true evil, and even into the depths of the sewers. Could have done without that last bit, but it has been a wild, unforgettable ride. Yet I am grateful for his serious side, too. Yes, shocking I know, but he does have one. *lol* That part of him makes him a wonderful friend to have. Just... don't get on his bad side. Or take his Pancake Mix.
Then there is my childer, Veronique. Who could ask for a better daughter? She is loyal beyond words, always ready to back me up or defend me against any wayward, philandering vamps that happen along. Well, that and any and everybody else that in any way threatens me. :D What can I say, violence runs in the family and Ver got a healthy dose of it. At the same time, it is hard to think of a sweeter soul. For a time I worried about her sensitive nature, but it has been wonderful watching her grow into a strong voice within the clan. She has come a long way and grown up quite a bit, and I think it shows. *proud sire moment*
There are a number of others I could talk about... like Pandrora, or mommy-P, as I call her. Or LR and his alcoholic demon squirrel. Could probably get into how AQel stalking me makes me laugh, too... but in a way that is just plain scary. *cough* Seriously, I think I have done enough happy, glowing sort of stuff for the moment. Would not want to rot anybody's fangs out. :P
Once, Twice-- SOLD!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Last night was the big female vamp auction. I was near the end, and let me say that it was one long, booooring night. Worse than any war party or meeting ever has been. The tedium alone may make me re-think entering again. (Probably did not help that my sick human needed sleep.) When all was said and done though, I sold for much more than I expected. Which is thanks in large part to Mommy-P, who drove the price up. >:)
I was bought by What The for $56k. Not a bad price at all. Would like to think that I am worth every coin. I must confess that I am glad she won rather than Pand-- because my darlin' sire would have made me a present to AQel. *shudder* If you do not know why this is a bad thing... well, I am not going to explain it. :P
As of right now, I have no idea what I will be doing. Whatever it is though, I will do my best and make the most of it. It is important to me that my mistress gets all that she paid for. And in my free moments, I will count my "toys" and decide what to spend those lovely coins on. :D
Congrats J!
Friday, December 02, 2005
Yes, yes... as was promised I am posting this for all to see. I proclaim this day that Jonathan, the human behind O, has successfully completed yet another of my challenges. I am proud of him because I know it has been a struggle-- and I can only hope that he views this as a triumph of man over material. Or something like that. After all, three months is a long time to go without when one has an addiction. *lol*
From September 1 to December 1 he did not buy a single CD. Which-- believe me-- is a major victory. Hell, it's worth getting out the pompoms. *perfect mini-cheer*
On a serious note: Just like Pancake Mix Addiction to vamps... CD Over-Collection, or CDOC, is a serious problem. By refraining from this dirty habit for three entire months, he has made a great stride toward recovery... So if you or someone you know is an obsessed victim of CDOC, please-- get them help. Or challenge them to go without.
